Tuesday, March 16, 2010

i use this blog too much now that my other one is frozen =(


the smell of whiskey on her breath
all she thinks about is him
and on another thoughtless whim
she's beside him once again
and how can he say no
when she's drunk and set to go
so he takes it, takes it all

but its what he never knew
that would turn them black and blue
cause a beauty at first sight
she was all torn up inside
and she didn't want his body
and she didn't want his mind
but she took it, took it all

broken from the start
all she wanted was a part
in the thoughts, the sheets, the life
of a boy who wouldnt try
and though she knew he couldnt fix her
she thought it couldn't hurt to try
but then he took it, took it all

Friday, March 12, 2010


i just want you to know
that i am a black hole
and all that is inside me,
down to the core
is cold
and dark
and empty

there is misery in me
in my blood and in my bones
and if you let it,
it will consume you too

this is a warning.

Monday, March 8, 2010

darker days


I want to be a robot,
a robot's always numb.
cause how can you feel pain
when there are lasers in your bum!

Person 1: I told you no, but didn't tell you why, for fear of hurting you. Now you so easily come to me with your problems about her. I don't care; I don't at all. But, how do you know that? How can you be sure this does not hurt me? I am once again enlightened to your selfish ways.

Person 2: Your initials, when said aloud, sound the way they do for a reason. You are empty. You are devoid of all rationality and reason. You care as little for me as you do for anyone else. How could you be okay with what he did to me? I messed up too, that is true, but nothing justifies me being treated that way. And for you to speak to others of a situation in which you weren't a part, and to shed false light on it, leaving me with all the blame, is the greatest betrayal of all. You are two-faced and you are weak and you are helpless and you are at the complete mercy of those incapable of caring for you. I'm ashamed to have called you a friend, and for standing up for you on so many occassions. Willpower, keep me strong enough to fight off the loneliness. I will not go back.

Everyone goes away.

I am uncomfortable getting close to anyone, even in friendship, knowing that they will, inevitably, do something to hurt me and, for once, I will have to be strong and walk away; will have to force myself to recognize that no one is as good or important or wonderful as I make them out to be in my mind.
The realization that you over-glamourize those who do not need you at all is a difficult one.
I am so alone.
I am so alone.
I put people on a pedestal who do not even deserve a place at my feet.

Person 3: I gave too much, showed too much; now I am scared to show anything at all. The things about me which you despise were things that others found interesting. I'll now be boring always, because of you.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

such a waste of a young heart

i'm stuck i'm stuck i'm stuck
this is the worst feeling
everything is a mess and its all of my own doing
i am a mess
and i'd rather just lie in bed all day feeling numb
than fix any of it
i've been taking a break from real life
a reality check is necessary
but dear reality, where are you when i need you?