what does being good enough feel like?

that poor duckling, sad and grey
he knew he was different from the rest
he was told it was bad to be different
he believed it was bad to be different
he grew to feel more and more inadequate each day
when he finally grew into himself,
into a beautiful swan,
he could finally embrace his differences
but only because they made him the same
the same as other swans
he finally felt as though he belonged somewhere
there's no such thing as different
there's no such thing as adequate

penny slots

this girl is
not a
jackpot

she won't make
you feel
lucky

and she aint
worth a
dime

my mind has fucked me over more times than any man could ever know

maybe i should give up giving
give up trying to be thin
give up and turn into my mother
god knows, i love her
and i'm sorry to whichever man,
should meet my sorry state.

quoted for truth

you're such a special girl allison
how why no
because you genuinely care for people, which no one does.
i care for people i shouldn't care for or who don't care for me. its not very special when you're living it.

you know i always like to play the victim

I cry, cry, cry, then I complain
Come back for more, do it again
I cry, cry, cry, then I complain
Come back for more, do it again

where once i felt so at home

never again will that feeling be known.

to forgive

is divine?

why is forgiveness equated with divinity when all it seems to do is make one a weak person a majority of the time. yes, there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting, but forgiving in my case involves the comprehension of the other's perspective. Once this understanding has been made, it is nearly impossible to hold a grudge, and even more impossible to hold anything against them. Once it is impossible to hold anything against them, you begin to see them as the same person you once did before you were given a reason to be cross with them in the first place. In this way, forgiving and forgetting are far too similar.

i've always been able to see most situations from all sides, making it difficult for me to judge anyone harshly. but i just wish this "divine" process would take me a longer time. when people fuck up big time they deserve for me to be mad at them for some time before i come to understand where they were coming from all along. somehow though, no matter what the damage, it takes but hours or moments for me to turn from steaming mad and angry allison back into understanding and compassionate allison.

i would get hurt a lot less if i weren't so easily forgiving, if i could actually uphold the ability to hate someone.

i am weak.

in my skin

the fleeting
never fail to make me feel so insecure
the ones who stay
always fail to make me sure

where is your love now
if it ever was
something other than fantastical creation
something outside of our imagination
then where is it now
have you locked it up tightly
did you throw out the key
love is not an escape artist, you see
have you sealed it in a bottle
did you send it out to sea
love is not love unless you believe
where is your love now
where is your love

lesson learned

It's been a tough year for all it's worth
Still keep my phone number at the bottom of your purse
Between your sticks of gum and all the
Reasons why you don't call me anymore

Just in case you change your mind
Hang a right at the lights, I get off work at five
I'm a song away on your stereo
So just get in your car and drive

I think it's high time you find
Diamonds in this coalmine called me
And there's reasons to prove I can change
If that's what you want me to do
That's what you want me to do

i thought you appreciated the nice things i always did for you.
but apparently, all it did was make me into someone who is unimportant to you unless you are in need of something.
by showing i care, i somehow made myself worthless in your eyes.

hey, this one's for you

pity, take pity on me
cause i'm not half the man that i should be
always turning to run
from the people i should not be afraid of

and darling, you should know
that i have fantasies about being alone
its like love is a lesson that i can't learn
cause i make the same mistakes at each familiar turn

i know you can't hold out forever
waiting on a diamond and a tether
from a boy who won't swing
but who will dip his toe in
just to keep you here with him

i've got this habit i abhor
when we go out, i'm always watching the door
as if there's someone i'm gonna see
who could out-do the things that you do to me

i know you can't hold out forever
waiting on a diamond and a tether
from a boy who won't fly but who will take to the skies
if he thinks that you're about to say goodbye

pity, take pity on me
cause i'm not half the man that i should be
i don't blame you, you've had enough
of all these empty promises and countless bluffs

cause i know you can't hold out forever
waiting on a diamond and a tether
from a boy who won't jump when he falls in love
well, he just stands with his toes on the edge
and he waits for it to disappear again